vices. (inspired)

Smoke curls in ribbons, flowing from my mouth
drink pours down my longing throat
poison flows through my blood

soothing me,
intoxicating me,
liberating me,

of all the vices that have their hold on me,
of all the vices that i drown myself in,
of all the vices that i long for,

only one will always remain, etched with a dull blade on the tissue of my heart.
both giving me extasy and agony, you are my most fatal vice of all...

you have your hold on me...
i drown myself in you...
and i will long for you forever, my bitter sweet vice...

Numb. a poem for a lost friend, gagan...

Cleansing them from the blood tht has been spilled, my hands are rubbed raw as i wash them.
i wash them till some of my own blood breaks the surface; a small sacrifice of pain to repay past sins committed. i hold them under water that first runs hot and then cold.
till i am numb and no longer feel the stinging agony.

i am released, liberated, cut loose from my binds...
but there are still shallow marks around my wrists;
scars and cuts reminding me, like roads on a mad, and my hands are my life that i have lived.
proof of the work i have done, joy tat i have felt, loving touches and caresses...

i bleed no more for i am numb.
as i turn the faucet off and the last drops of life spill down the drain,
i am saddened as i hope, wish and wonder when i will ever feel again...

a response poem for "a blank verse" by gagan.

are you mad!

a question that slips out my mouth involontarily: "are you mad?!"

when i dont understand something simple, it means i refuse to. to understand means to acnowlege the pain, and to do that would be fatal to my heart and mind.therefore i respond to the person with those three words. "are you mad?!"

when i want something that isnt yet mine, i push the want away, but then lose the battle and allow myself the want i denied in the first place.but if there is even a glimmer of hope, i turn my head in sheer disbelief. "are you mad?!" i cry to hide the truth.

when i cant explain myself, i know you have won and i have fallen into a bottomless pitt with you. the sad part is, i know you will be able to lift yourself out of it and i will be left drowning in the bile of my misery. until another you reaches their hand in help, only to intend to push me back in again. a vicious cycle carves a path of my own demise and leaves behind the shambles of a repeatedly shattered heart, that sooner than later will retire into dust and blow away with the winds of time and death.i guess im mad as well. so be it. if it is written, it shall be done.

http://www.imeem.com/people/nhlyWKt/music/BSBHRnjW/sophia-castaneda-bite-me-track-ost/