are you mad!

a question that slips out my mouth involontarily: "are you mad?!"

when i dont understand something simple, it means i refuse to. to understand means to acnowlege the pain, and to do that would be fatal to my heart and mind.therefore i respond to the person with those three words. "are you mad?!"

when i want something that isnt yet mine, i push the want away, but then lose the battle and allow myself the want i denied in the first place.but if there is even a glimmer of hope, i turn my head in sheer disbelief. "are you mad?!" i cry to hide the truth.

when i cant explain myself, i know you have won and i have fallen into a bottomless pitt with you. the sad part is, i know you will be able to lift yourself out of it and i will be left drowning in the bile of my misery. until another you reaches their hand in help, only to intend to push me back in again. a vicious cycle carves a path of my own demise and leaves behind the shambles of a repeatedly shattered heart, that sooner than later will retire into dust and blow away with the winds of time and death.i guess im mad as well. so be it. if it is written, it shall be done.