A huge helping of anguish with a side dish of turmoil

Broken strings

I am a Puppet without strings,

pay me with your time and for you i shall laugh and dance and sing.

I was your humblest servant and you were my noble King...

I still remember, very long ago, how you held me tenderly in your arms and whispered to me how you loved me so

but little did i know, like the seasons, your love is cursed to come and go.

till one day you gave me away to slave on a puppet masters show

I bid adieu to any little mercy's i once knew

For now i had been fitted with strings,

my freedom had been clipped along with my wings.

What a thrilling ride this life has been

but destiny must not favor me so

To be so cruel as to deliver me

From the kind hands of my noble King, to those of the puppet master

who reigns over

all evil things

Now my body is broken.    

i was a wooden puppet smashed to pieces and put back together again.

See how they make me dance so gracefully and pretty for their hearts delight?

If you look hard enough, you can almost make out the strings that animate me, glinting when they catch the light.

Not a day of rest for this little wooden performer, whose pirouettes are so adored.

Every night a full house, Every night a show to do, to prance, to skip to dance for you.

Of all the simple things i cannot keep, i am master of none, not even the sweet sanctuary of sleep.

for it is i who is the puppet, who's vow of tortured silence i must forever keep.

But if these glass eyes learned how to weep, i could cry you a mighty river who's currents run so cold and so deep.

I know this wood once had a life, but if my heart could surely beat, it would be a broken mess of shambles, lying dead at your feet.

Home

dusk, the sky a pinched pink and amber intertwining twilight. there is a slight chill to the air but burst of warmth eminate from peeking rays of sunlight. from behind, the gloriously bright waking sun chases me as i make my way on foot to the old town shrine. the road has been blocked for the occasion and traffic diverted. the gentle morning breeze makes my dress billow as my feet hurry in stride. a quarter past four in the morning and the town and its locals, not to mention a handful of random foreigners are up and about for the occasion. i arive at my destination delighted at the sea of people that have showed up for such a simple practice of sport.

only a few years ago, i would not think to call this dusty, old fassioned place my home. but now i take every opportunity to gloat about what a beautiful place i am honored to live in. my home, all its people, the rural, provincial feel of it, everything my senses are allowed to take in makes a smile play in the corners of my mouth. i'm glad upon hearing birds chirping, cocks crowing, dogs barking, and locals chatting in their dialect (which surprisingly for others, i can understand as well as speak). over friendly locals bid me good morning as i pass them by. more often than not, they are amused to see a tall, pale skinned, light haired girl walking the streets among them.

I love to walk. for me, walking is a method of apreciation. how else can you realy feel the vibe, the aura of a place if not to walk through it. it was how the nomads traveled before man became lazy and wanted to save more time traveling. it was also a good form of excersize. when transportational vehicles came, man grew fat and lost stamina as well became impatient, and the trecherous results of that is the smog, traffic and noise polution that the invention contributed to the world. but still, ah the glory of walking...

i cant realy put a peg on the actual emotion coursing through me. i feel it from my chest, the epicenter of it, to my fingers and toes. Awe, sublime, exitement, happiness, gratitude, love. either one of which, or a combination of all. i am overflowing with gratitude to God. thankful to have been given the chance to live amongst good hearted and friendly people, to walk amongst a comunity i adore, to practice my God given crafts with the likes of both students and proffessionals, and to connect daily with deviating minds of people from far corners of the world.

this is what i feel towards that which i now can call home. after two years here, learning, working, having fun, bonding, falling down then getting up and dusting myself off, hurting, loving, and last but not least growing inside and out, i know i now belong. not just here where i now live, but from now on everywhere. you can make any place into a home, but what realy makes a place are its people. as they say, home is where the heart is. we just have to keep in mind that we have to keep our hearts with us wherever we go because using them makes both ourselves and others happy. we are made to love. and i love my home...

dating tips...old stuff i wrote

ok, dating criteria!!!alright ill give a few rules so there will be more to go on unlike fumblin in the dark without a flashlight because thats what dating is like and most of you(unlike people who havent dated wich is kinda absurd nicole!) know that! all the dating faux pa has been committed by people that try to wing things and enter without caution and preparation. "oh soph, you’re too uptight. half the fun of dating is not knowing what to expect…" im not trying to take the fun out of dating. but is it ever fun to get hurt? it realy turns out a trial and error kind of thing, that unless you learn from previous mistakes, will end up making this supposedly fun and exiting journey, end up being long, tiresome and overdone.1. find a partner that you like and vice versa(make sure they express the fact they are interested in you enough and dont mistake friendliness for interest to date because that could be disasterous!)2. find an activity you like and vice versa(having somthing you both like to do or an interest in common is good starting ground to work on. you will have something to keep both of you busy; may it be watching movies, walks in the park/wilderness, going out for dinner or to the beach… )3. talk, talk, talk(based on experience i can vouch that communication is the best means to find out if you’re meant to be or not. i can say i base my TRUE and LONG LASTING relationships on an open constant flow of conversation and even debate. if you are both interested in each other, especially intelectualy, you should have a lot to talk about and may never get tired of it. personaly i have to feel like i can trust and confide in my partner, and they as well in return. if it is any other way, it seems pointless to continue such a relationship that, unless that is what you both are looking to find, is a relationship revolving around more of the physical or sexual aspects.)4. matching morals and standards(dont you think its kinda silly if you dont believe in the same things? im not talking religion wise, because its too deep a topic to divulge at this point and im not going down that road, at least for now. what im getting at is actually beliefs and morals. you will get it if you are in the situation where you have a never ending, "no-one is going to win this one" Argument that will end up breaking you guys up. better to be friends than lovers if you cant handle that)5. set your expectations(i know that you want to meet new and different people but the safer you are the better. you wouldnt wanna date someone who makes you uncomfortable or worse could end up killing you. get a list down. ‘i wont date people who’; ‘i would like to date someone who.’ FOR EXAMPLE: DO: Will date someone who loves cats/doesnt like fish/has a job and stable income/doesnt drink or smoke. DONTS: Wont date someone who isnt christian/ is over 26/lives way too far/has been married/does drugs. once you set your standards it isnt a sealed deal or final. you may bend a bit acording to how much is acceptable in your own book. thats the fun of it. you may even have a change of heart and find you wana date someone who doesnt like cats for example)6. find your comfort zone(ok, i will go a little bit into the department of sex wich i know is something you all know i love to speculate about in a rather nymphomanic sense. wether you be a virgin, not into it at the moment, or have a very healthy sexualy active status, at a certain point in the lifespan of you and the person you are dating, you should put all your cards on the table. vocalize your intentions so that you both know if you are on the same page. it is ok to tell your partner that you do not want to think about being sexualy active at the moment. in that way, you know you will both be comfortable. if your partner leaves for those reasons then it only means you know they arent made to match you. there will always be another person who understands your terms and will accept them. on the other hand if your partner expresses their intentions you in return must respect their wishes. its all about compromise.)

an old poem i found

POETRY FIRST AS SWEET RELEASE
I wanted to fit myself into a box. a tiny box. but as time passed, that box grew a little. it changed color and grew some more. i grew along with it, but only enough to fill its space. then i, with my tears of pain and longing, saw through a tiny hole the destiny within. i saw God calling out to me. beconing me. "young child, come out. it is much nicer out here. it is cooler and softer. the winds will blow your ruffled hair upright once more and cheer your spirits. you can grow some more out here. come out my beautiful child." and so i streatched my arms that have gotten so long since i couldnt remember. i streatched my long legs that have become so strong that i remembered how it was to run again. i uncurled my arched back and the box blew away. i was surrounded with color, much more than the box could offer. and my vision that was once limited was vast and clear, seing only truth. a glowing fire sparked inside me and i was warmed. this is love. "this is love father." i turned to my right "this is love father" i turned to my left. "this is love!" i threw my arms up to the blue heavens and made myself heard.
i yearn to go beyond anyone's standards! i want to go beyond my own! to reach the stars and burn there in sweet glory. i am only human. with flaw and fault. with weakness and streangth. i am a sinner but i purge myself naked in front of god pleading with him to save my damned soul. and in result, sweet poetry flows out of me like the natural springs. i am human again indeed. natural in all my truth and ways. no heavy jewels bearing me down. no clothes to limit my flow of movement. and best of all, no malice. for malice coaxes guilt, and guilt coaxes sin. sin coaxes the devil and he is the usher into damnation. i do not want a saved seat.
i wish to fly. but since i am no bird that is capable of soaring high in the alabaster skies, i will jump my highest. i cannot avoid my destiny, being a proud Greek. i will pace myself then jump my very highest as to reach the Gods. as to reach greatness. to fill tho mouthes of people with my name. to be written in books and carved in stone. to be immortalized. to be loved.
no man can love then leave....
a man that inspires change is one trully worth changing for--sophia castaneda
therefore i need to change first before i begin to inspire you my love...we shall talk about this

vices. (inspired)

Smoke curls in ribbons, flowing from my mouth
drink pours down my longing throat
poison flows through my blood

soothing me,
intoxicating me,
liberating me,

of all the vices that have their hold on me,
of all the vices that i drown myself in,
of all the vices that i long for,

only one will always remain, etched with a dull blade on the tissue of my heart.
both giving me extasy and agony, you are my most fatal vice of all...

you have your hold on me...
i drown myself in you...
and i will long for you forever, my bitter sweet vice...

Numb. a poem for a lost friend, gagan...

Cleansing them from the blood tht has been spilled, my hands are rubbed raw as i wash them.
i wash them till some of my own blood breaks the surface; a small sacrifice of pain to repay past sins committed. i hold them under water that first runs hot and then cold.
till i am numb and no longer feel the stinging agony.

i am released, liberated, cut loose from my binds...
but there are still shallow marks around my wrists;
scars and cuts reminding me, like roads on a mad, and my hands are my life that i have lived.
proof of the work i have done, joy tat i have felt, loving touches and caresses...

i bleed no more for i am numb.
as i turn the faucet off and the last drops of life spill down the drain,
i am saddened as i hope, wish and wonder when i will ever feel again...

a response poem for "a blank verse" by gagan.

are you mad!

a question that slips out my mouth involontarily: "are you mad?!"

when i dont understand something simple, it means i refuse to. to understand means to acnowlege the pain, and to do that would be fatal to my heart and mind.therefore i respond to the person with those three words. "are you mad?!"

when i want something that isnt yet mine, i push the want away, but then lose the battle and allow myself the want i denied in the first place.but if there is even a glimmer of hope, i turn my head in sheer disbelief. "are you mad?!" i cry to hide the truth.

when i cant explain myself, i know you have won and i have fallen into a bottomless pitt with you. the sad part is, i know you will be able to lift yourself out of it and i will be left drowning in the bile of my misery. until another you reaches their hand in help, only to intend to push me back in again. a vicious cycle carves a path of my own demise and leaves behind the shambles of a repeatedly shattered heart, that sooner than later will retire into dust and blow away with the winds of time and death.i guess im mad as well. so be it. if it is written, it shall be done.

http://www.imeem.com/people/nhlyWKt/music/BSBHRnjW/sophia-castaneda-bite-me-track-ost/

random pics

pics

greek myth story

There was a mountain of a cloud. There were white and pink wispy puffs of cloud surrounding Grecian pillars that were wrapped in vines. Gold tinfoil adorned the small tree in which the vines sprung from. There was a large marble table in the highest and darkest of the nimbus clouds. There were marble statues of people around it. Atop it was a red velvet pillow laced with gold thread and beaded with diamonds. Nestled in the pillow was a golden goblet.

In the lowest of the clouds were gods in human form assembling. Their skin was ivory, their cheeks and lips a rosy red. They were all dressed in silk of every colour, and limbs garnished with precious stones. A BABY ANGEL was playing MELODIOUS MUSIC with his harp, and so some were clapping lightly. The largest MAN with the most muscular build was on top of the highest peak of clouds beside the table. He wore a crown of golden leaves on his head.

The congregation was looking up to him. From his mouth flowed red wine falling down the mountain of clouds like a stream. A bird, with its wing clipped, fell to the side of the small stream. It crept up to the stream of wine and drank from it.

Instantly, its wing was renewed and the bird turned golden. Its eyes were Safire and its tail sparkled in the sun with minuscule diamonds. It flew away chirping happily. The eyes of the gods that were gathered grew wide and lustful. They clambered up one another to reach the stream. Some were left crippled at the base of the clouds. They watched in horror as the others that made it to the stream cupped their hands to drink and turned to marble.

The healing wine turned well people into stone and sick into riches and treasures. An innocent CHILD ran up to the table and fetched the goblet. He dipped it into the stream of wine and fed it to the wounded and crippled. They walked once more and were terribly remorseful. They bowed low to the large man. There was a crack of loud THUNDER and the healing river of wine stopped flowing. What was once a gift was now turned into a reason for maddening greed and battles amongst friends.

Nirvana

Samantha began to run her fingers through Bryan’s hair. His eyes opened, lips turned up into one of his wicked smiles. He turns to her and dives his fingers into the sea of hair at the back of her head and thrust his lips upon on hers passionately. Half kissing, half laughing, and their love shown prominently in their still open eyes that slowly shut themselves at the same time. Samantha’s hand rested on Bryan’s cheek and she caressed his face with her slender thumb. A brilliant diamond shone on her ring finger.
“Where are those cherry lips...I’ve never felt or tasted anything like them...I’d never want to ever again...every time I get thirsty she comes to mind...”
A blanket of light cover the euphoric audience and for a moment they seem to disappear with their roars of applause for the music and its band. Brian felt calm. Peace filled his mind and his voice and body flowed like fluid. His gaze focused into the crowd praising him. His piercing rain blue eyes scanned the crowd for her.
“She is my water....I thirst”
Among the sea of people Samantha seemed to drown, but he could see her smiling up at him, swaying slender to his music. His smile widened and as he sang his long haired guitarist Nathan and he both sang into the microphone, he pointed into the crowd at her making most of the females squeal in uncontrollable delight. He gave a sly wink their way.
“Now I’m in a dessert, waiting for my nirvana...my oasis to come to me. I’m at deaths door lying on hard broken ground, under the mercy of the sun as the vultures circle around me...”
Brian is on stage singing sullenly with his eyes closed, his face expressionless. His mouth quivers a little after the last lines of his song. He ends his set wearing clothes that a homeless person might inhabit. His shirt is wrinkled and has probably been on him for a couple of days and nights. His shoes are worn away at the soles and his pants sport a number of small holes from self inflicted cigarette burns. Only a short time has gone by yet he looks ten years older now. It was obvious he had sleepless nights. His hair grew a little longer yet untamed. Brian got off stage and returned to the bar to visit his beer. They seemed to be best friends. In the distance a man with long hair greeted the band and talked to them for a few seconds.
“Bobby, this is already warm. Give me another one” Brian says weakly to the bartender.
Brian signals to the man behind the bar who gave him a sad look but still reached a bottle back over after opening it. Brian took a long swig of the beer with his eyes shut tight. It seemed to pain him that he’d come to this point, but the icy drink numbed him so he welcomed the chill creeping down his throat. He looked intent on intoxicating himself. Nathan, his long haired guitarist and friend of five years was beside him now. He took the seat next to Brian. Nathan rested his hand on his friends shoulder and Brian looked blankly at it and back at him.
Nathan began in a low and pleading tone “What’s going on with you up there man? Where’s the fire gone? You were so amazing last month... Don’t lose it because of-”
“Don’t tell me what not to lose man! I know what I lost!” Brian cut him off. He shoved Nathans hand off from the shoulder that it was perched on.
“You’re still not over what happened? Look, she left you. She’s not everything you know. This isn’t worth getting wasted...over someone who can’t even stay no matter what you did” Nathan began to raise his voice a volume higher.
Brian had buried his face in his hands. He was half trying to tear his hair out. “I don’t even remember anything when she left! That’s why the hell I’m not over it! Nothing was wrong; I fucking can’t get it out of my mind. I just need a fucking answer; some kind of closure!”
“No man, stop this shit! It’s over. You have to grow the fuck up! You’re not as young anymore! You’re twenty friggin seven! So she turned out to be one fucking amazing shot of whiskey you took but this is one hell of a hangover. Take a fucking cold shower because I don’t think she’s going back for second servings this time...”
Bryan’s eyes glowed like hot coals in his angry denial. He smashed the bottle he was holding. It fell to the floor and flew into a million pieces. Brian lunged for Nathan and shoved his knuckles into his friends face. Nathan staggered back. Brian was tipsy enough to beat up a wrestler. He used his strength clumsily. Nathan felt his jaw and spit out a gob of blood. He took Brian by the shoulders and thrust his knee into Bryan’s stomach. Brian fell to his knees disoriented.
“Fuck this, I’m out!” Nathan yelled as he grabbed his coat. He seemed not to care as he stepped over Brian writhing in pain on the floor. Several shocked onlookers returned to their seats and drinks. Nathan stormed out leaving Brian to pull himself on his knees almost crying. As soon as Nathan was out the door the rest of brains band mates came over, got him to his feet and told him they thought it was about time he had to leave. This was bad for business in the club he was playing in and that meant it was also bad for Brian.

Sarah automaticaly rose from her bed. as soon as her feet touched the cold smoothe wood surface of the floor her head started aching. she felt her blood pulsing from her temples so she rubbed them. she dragged her feet over to the bathroom and when she looked at her reflection she was repulsed, yet she laughed. her hair was tussled, mascara was smudged and her eyes were slightly bloodshot.
"no more tequila for me!" she told herself. she turned the faucet on and splashed the cool water on here face. just then her cellphone chimed announcing a text message. she patted her face with a towel and went over to her bed to read it.
"it was great meeting you sarah, i had a nice time last night. maby we can get together again soon..." the sender read ryan. she gigled to herself a bit. she almost thought she had been dreaming when she met him. he was literaly tall dark and handsome, with the most captivating stare. she met him last night while she was out with her girlfriends at a local bar. he was not actualy a total stranger, he was a friend of one of sarah's highschool classmate. she ploped herself on her bed for a few minutes trying to recall the previous night. she remembered they had talked a lot. he asked her if she was seeing anyone and if she had a date for valentines and she said she was not. she lied. what else could she do? tell the probable man of her dreams she was dating someone? besides, the guy she was seeing had some catches to him that sarah couldnt put a finger on. i guess he seemed too imature for her. ryan on the other hand seemed smarter, more mature and hella hot! she didnt think getting to know them both at the same time would be a problem.
as sarah was daydreaming, her cellphone rang plucking her away from dreamland. the caller was ryan. she smiled from ear to ear as she answered his call.
"hey beautifull...good morning. i hope you slept well" he said. "yeah i did, i dont even remember cleaning all the bottles out from the garden"
"well, that was me and cassee. i brought you up to your room because i think you had way too much to drink"
"oh my gosh, im so sory ryan. you shouldnt have bothered with all that. i could have cleaned up when i got up you know!" sarah exclaimed.
"dont even mention it sarah. anyway, i had a good time and it wasnt anything...if you want to repay me i want to see you again. are you bussy tonight?"
"realy? of course id love to see you too. umm...tonight iv got something already in my plan's."
"then what about tomorow night? what are your plan's then? you gotta tell me you arent booked the whole weekend!" he persisted"of course im not. its actualy casee's party, i guess we could meet up."
"well then thats settled, what time should i pick you up?"

after that she knew that she wouldnt be seeing the last of the future man of her dreams. sarah stepped out of her "last night" clothes and into her shower. she turned the water on and as the cold water dripped down her back she shouted curses to the wall. sarah hated cold showers in the morning. it always woke every part of her up.
sarah met up with her cousin casee and her best friend Kattie at the nearby starbucks. as they walked out with their machiato's and frappuchino's they immediately started the gossiping.
"sarah, i cant believe how you caught ryans attention! i didnt expect you to do that!" kattie said punching her playfully on the arm
"what? i cant remember how i even talked to the guy!" she answered.
"you asked him why he was wearing a shirt that said that...well, you know, that bad word"
"and?"...
"he said that he was wearing it just to look cute...and you blurted out 'well, its working!' you were kinda brave but you know alchohol does that! haha! after that he asked for your number and we invited him over to your place."
"wow! i sure had balls to do that! what was in that drink! anyway, what time does your party tomorow start?"
"like around nine or ten. you better be there bitch! or im never going to talk to you!"
"oh? realy now casee! like when you were totaly wasted and asleep as early as 11pm on my birthday? you werent even concious when i blew out my candles!" she joked. "anyway, you can count on me being there. im going to be bringing a date, and i think you know who!"
"duh sarah! i obviously invited him myself, you were there when i told him!"
"JEESE! I gota stop drinking, i dont even remember that!"
"but we werent drinking when i invited him? we were having a starbucks. mark already confirmed with me that he was going!" casee exclaimed. a look of horror fell on sarah's face. she forgot about mark and totaly invited ryan instead!
"you are such an idiot sarah! mark knew about this party two weeks ago! i cant just un invite him! and you are going to be bringing another guy! mark will hate your guts and ryan will know you lied to him and now who is going to go out with you?"
"i know, i know casee! im such a bitch! what am i going to do?" kattie intervened and asked "sarah, who do you prefer to be with tomorow night? mark or ryan?"
"i cant decide with the flip of a coin, i like them both!"
well you have 24 hours to do that because my party is tommorow...if you dont have only one guy in mind, im not letting you bring any....

fan fiction on danny filth

the blinking of the monitor caught the corner of her eye as she began to stir and finaly awaken. she turned to the digital clock beside her bed for reference of the hour. it glowed bright green anouncing the time. three in the morning..she had slept only a few hours even though intending not to do so. disapointed in herself, she rose from the soft comfort of her bed with a jolt.
"stupid cat! why didnt you wake me?" she complained to cleopatra. her cat was the most beautiful cat from miles away! she was given by her aunt when she got back from egypt last year. her aunt claimed that cleo had found her and it was destiny. the moment the cat saw skye she just felt that she had to give the beautiful creature to her niece.
gently pushing the cat off of her bed, she stomped over to her computer to get back to work on her film project. she was a second year college student at NYU and her major was film production. it was her essence. her mere passion and existance. although the industry of the arts was a corupted and tainted one. her bloodlife was music, art and directing.
when she focused her eyes which were weary with sleep upon the monitor, there she saw a message blinking. it was from her AOL.
darkprince666:
"nurse your tired wounds as you lay your head to sleep, and i will catch your bitter tears of blood as you do weep. let me taste them upon my tongue and you will love to see the light of dawn will never come."
"weird..." she thought aloud after she read the message. she clicked on the minimize of her AOL to get back to her work when another messaged blinked in front again. it was from darkprince666 again.
"working on something princess? you must be tired..." her eyes grew wide. no, it was just a lucky guess right? but something inside her stirred and told her it might not have been. she hesitated to reply. she rarely talked to anyone she didnt know.
darkprince666:
"go on...reply. dont wory i dont bite...hard..*smiles devilishly*. " she turned to look at cleo who was on the bed once again. her cat seemed to be leering at her. her hand hovered above the keyboard for a few seconds and finaly desended.
angelskye07:
"Hi. i guess you got it kinda right. i am overworking myself. how did you get my AOL?"
darkprince666:
"magic...anyway, dont worry, your almost done, and i know you are going to get the highest marks for this one. you just wait and see..."
skye was shocked. how did he seem to know so much details about what she had been doing?
angelskye07:
"LOL. whats your name?" She typed, trying to not sound so nervous.
darkprince666:
"you can call me daniel...daniel sounds harmless right? im sory if i cant make you more comfortable...this is just my nature to make people nervous around me. i am the dark prince as you can see."

fiction yet reality series part one

Sarah sat outside the starbucks and drooled over the posters stuck on the glass. she wanted a venti frappe topped with whiped cream and drizzled with caramel sauce so badly, but she knew it would do much damage to her hips. she fumbled around her purse and brought out a pack of cigs and a lighter. she conditioned herself that resorting to one vice to replace another was going to work in her favor. she was visibly nervous.
just as she lit a stick, casee emerged from the coffee shop with the drink sarah had been pinning for. "starbucks and smoking, the perfect match" she said as she took the seat next to her cousin sarah. she picked up the pack of smokes and held it for a second or more, then automaticaly dropped it as if to say, 'i changed my mind, i wont do it'. an option and tool thatsarah didnt have ready in her artillary. she practicaly had an almost non existant sense of control. she didnt know how to say no to herself, let alone others.
"so, wheres becky? did you tell her we were in town visiting?" sarah asked, killing her cig in the ashtray and placing one more in her mouth to light. four years of smoking made her chain smoke at certain times, especialy when she got nervous. she was going on a "not so blind" blind date. wich you couldnt even lable as a 'date' but more to the side of being an eyeball. it had been nine whole months since she'd gone out on one that anxiety was getting the best of her. millions of questions were racking her brain all at once. 'Would he like me? would i like him? what if im not his type? MAYBE HE'S SOME PSYCHO KILLER OR PERVERT!' alright, maby the last one wasnt actualy a question, but it was indeed an actual concern.
"maby your taller than him..." casee interupted her flow of fretful thoughts. sarah cracked her a worried smile. she felt better that her cousin was there for support. in fact casee had issues of her own. she was there to see a few old friends and schoolmates and she was curious how her ex was doing. the one big thing that both of these girls had was that they both were in love with two great guys that broke their hearts and moved on from them, so being there for each other was a must.
he was a little late and becky was already there with casee and her. just then sara's phone rang. "its him casee, its mark! should i answer it? he's almost an hour late! id die if he canceled on me" sarah cried out. "just answer the damn thing!"
"sarah? im so sory, it was a bit congested on the way back. im already there, where are you?". just as he said that, she could see someone in a cap and grey shirt holding a cellphone to his ear and looking around. sarahs heart skipped more than one beat, and although she felt like she didnt want to, her hand holding the cellphone raised up and waived. he saw her and smiled, going on his way up. the moment she got up to greet her date/stranger helo, she noticed casee was right! she was a few inches taller than him!
they talked for a couple of hours untill mark had to go. he was visibly tired and said he had an early class the next morning so he left and sarah joined becky and casee in their table.
"howd it go?" casee asked exitedly.
"he looks kind of cute you know. dont blow this one sarah! doesnt he remind you of that guy from truth about charlie?"
"well, he is realy cute, and he obviously works out. that sorta made up for the lack of 2 inches in hight." with that said, the girls started laughing.
"we'll see where this goes. i just want to get to know him. isnt that what the concept of DATING is all about anyway?"

out of body experiences and sleep paralysis. the paranorman files part one

well, its the middle of the night and im up. reason being that iv been having horrible nightmares and experiencing sleep paralisis again. yes, these bouts that im having happened before, early on in my childhood up to present. imagine how terrifying it would be as a child! i recently discovered that eating anything rather high in starch like noodles for dinner or right before sleeping may cause that state during REM(Rapid Eye Movement) but it baffles me why this may be a cause. i have done some research and learned it befalls mostly upon males once or twice a lifetime. well, i guess im certainly an exception! since i was nine i have had countless episodes of unexplainable sleep paralysis. i have a theory that it occurs to most paranormal magnets such as i.
coincidentaly i know that the state of being also coincides with the paranormal dimension. for most skeptics, it is known as spectrums/spectres(spirit world). my room is haunted i suspect due to the empty house my window faces. there have been countless accounts of guests that have been a testimony to that fact. people ask me during drinking sessions that go on until the most unholly hours of the night at my home if there were anyone else awake in the house except for us, or if my grandmother were puttering around or peeking out the curtain windows. yes. yes, and yes. except my grand mother had died five years prior. guests using my room would be waken up angrily by some other being(personaly i think its my grandmother who is use to me being the one sleeping there and she wants to know why im not the one in my own bed)
now the noodle theory has something to do with dehydration. once in your stomach it absorbs a lot of the liquids you need. what we call it in our country is Bangungut. people die from this in their sleep. i am deathly afraid of it. out of body experiences even occur. states of being wherini let my brain give my hand a request to lift and it follows. i can feel my hand lifted but when i look there are two totaly separate hands. one imobile(my physical hand) and the other moving freely. this state of paralysis is terrifying to even describe. you are a prisoner of yourself, you cant even scream. to get out requires much mental concentration. i believe that the reason people could die from sleep paralysis is mainly because they are unable to fight the state when they are in it. i believe they will be trapped forever if they do not realize it is no dream. they are either naive or too weak to try to wake themselves up. fatigue and late night snacking of wheat and absorbant or starchy food products are some of the causes. eating at proper times for example not eating past 8pm, enough rest and sleep throughout the day are good preventions of this coma like state. another prevention is to sleep on your sides and not on your back all the time. the reason for this is that some people believe that the bangungot is a fat tree spirit that sits on your face or chest. minimal chest exposure ensures no spirit can sit on you. i feel that i should do further studies on this and show more accounts of these experiences. look forward to more on this. i have a hunch, no call it a gut feeling that this may be a slight connection(lets call it a worm hole, portal, window rip in the fabric of our world and time) to the other side. i once had a discussion with my cousin nicole about this theory of ours. dream state is only another one of our realities and we are all inter connected through it. we talk to one another and for example when we wake up, we could either remember it and dismiss it as "just a dream" or never remember it at all. what if this could be possible? wouldnt it be concidered a power we all could posses? if this is so, then the real power of this begins in the belief, and acceptance of this. tune in for more next time....